One Day Without God

 I’d never doubted the Bible before, not even before I was a believer. So what made me entertain that moment of disbelief? What made me give it a second thought? This post is going to relay a brief account of the single day in my life that I somehow managed to doubt the existence of God, and the affect it will forever have on my life.

I can remember it clear as day, it was summer, I’m pretty positive I had only become a true believe the November before that. I totally believed the Bible, I loved God, I thought He was so awesome and powerful and that this earth He created was totally amazing! Being raised in a godly home, I had been thoroughly taught the scriptures, though, of course I’m am still learning. Anyway, I think it was a Saturday afternoon, the previous night our family had watched a movie called, “Incredible Creatures That Defy Evolution.” I totally believed everything being said. I had never, ever for a second ever considered the possibility of evolution, even prior to my conversion. I thought it was stupid, I knew there was a God and that He had created everything in the universe. So that night I went to bed. I didn't give it a second thought. God created the world. Fact.

The next day I was in my backyard swinging and talking to myself (I actually do that a lot!) Anyway, my mind began to think about the movie we had watched the night before. I thought about the men on the movie who had shared their testimonies about how God had delivered them from the false belief that there was no God and that the world had evolved. Suddenly, that thought began to grow, I shouldn’t have giving myself the time to even consider it!  I am ashamed to say that I thought, “What if there wasn’t a God?”

“No, of course there is a God! Look at the world around us…you can see God everywhere!”

“But what if that really all evolved?

“I couldn’t have…the Bible said God made everything in the world.”

“But if evolution is true then the Bible isn’t true and God doesn’t really exist and He has NEVER been there.”

It’s sad to say that I really had that conversation with myself. And for that one day  I fell into the doubt that God didn’t exist. I can’t describe to you the anguish and misery I experiences. I didn’t tell anyone about my struggle…I was too ashamed. I began to imagine a life without God. I began to contemplate how much that would change everything I’d ever been taught and everything I believed in. I remember walking to a friend’s house and finding absolutely no pleasure in the creation around me. The trees weren’t beautiful, the sky was grey, the people I saw barely existed. I couldn’t stand to be alive; I couldn’t understand how I could be alive, how I could breathe. Everything in the life was misery. I couldn’t laugh, I couldn’t think straight, and nothing, absolutely nothing was beautiful to me.

I fell asleep that night feeling sick to my stomach. I couldn’t read my Bible or pray. I couldn’t eat or even think very well.

Needless to say it didn’t last long. I’m pretty sure the next morning I woke up feeling like a total idiot. The doubt was gone, the truth was back. It was the grace of God. I saw the absolute ridiculousness of believing in anything but the TRUE creator of the universe. Everything was okay because God DID exist and because He HAD created me and everything in the world.

Life is beautiful only because God created it. Fact. 

Sarah-